My Summer Fear Factor List

We all remember that show.

The one where contestants vied to win thousands of dollars by competing in crazy, dare-devilish, and often times very gross stunts to see who could conquer their fears and triumph over their competitors.

Now, I have absolutely no intention of getting in a tub full of tarantulas and scorpions and lay helplessly while they crawl all over my body, or eating a plate full of cow brains in under two minutes (did I mention I’m a vegetarian?). I do, however, plan on channeling my inner Joe Rogan and proudly say, “fear is not a factor for me.”

This is where I introduce…

(dim the lights and drum roll please)

My Summer Fear Factor List:

1. Not afraid to register for a half marathon

I have every intention of doing this, but for some reason I’m terrified to press that “register” button (and not because of the hefty registration fee). I want that finisher medal more than anything…as physical proof to myself that I set out on a goal and accomplished it. I guess I’m afraid that I won’t follow through like so many other times before. I registered for two races last year and didn’t end up running because I got lazy (or scared) and didn’t train properly. I’m making it right this year and registered for both again. I already ran the 5k and the 8k is coming up next month.

I think the distance of the half marathon scares me. I’m not sure. I’m worried about not being able to finish. I envision myself being pulled off the course by the race monitors for running too slow, or being carried off by a medic. I’ve never challenged my body (and mind) in this capacity before. I think I’m worried that I won’t be able to hack it. I also have those petty fears of vomiting all over another runner or having to pee every mile with no Porta-Potty in sight. I guess I need to just relax and give myself that extra little push. I need to stop thinking about it and just do it, right?

2. Not afraid to press the Publish button

In the blogging world, I’m a newbie. After reading a lot of blogs, I thought to myself “I can do this too.” I wanted to document my journey, as well as hold myself accountable for keeping up with my fitness goals. I figured if I had readers who were following my story, it would be an easy way to keep it up.

As I’m writing, I sometimes always catch myself re-reading what I wrote and editing, editing, editing. I just want my readers (you) to like me, and I want every word to be perfect. Ha. I know that’s not reality, and not really what blogging is about. I need to keep things real. If I’m myself, that’s all that matters…and I know it’s what will keep you coming back. I need to put away the red pencil and just write from my heart. Like what I’m doing now. Hmm, is this progress? Maybe I can check this one off soon!

3. Not afraid to tell myself I look good

This is a tough one. I’ve been overweight most of my life. I was never one of those teens or twenty-somethings that lounged around the pool in a bikini or got to wear the trendy clothes. It’s been a constant struggle and something that I battle with on a day to day basis. A lot of it stems from a traumatizing experience in high school. I was humiliated in front of a large crowd because of my size. I had a hard time looking in the mirror for a very long time after that. I always envisioned others secretly pointing and laughing at me. I would always try to cover up by wearing extra layers, thinking that somehow this would make me less noticeable. Ridiculous, I know. I’ve accepted my body more as I’ve gotten older, but it’s still hard sometimes. We all have those insecurities that challenge us.

I’ve recently lost close to twenty pounds. I’m feeling more confident about my body. Clothes are fitting better and I can see the muscle starting to take shape when I look in the mirror. I still have more to lose, but I know I’ll get there. I just need to remind myself that I’m working hard and I’m looking good!

4. Not afraid to call myself an athlete

I can’t wait until I feel comfortable giving myself this title. I’ve always wanted to be an athlete, but my weight and lack of confidence always got in the way. In high school, I sat on the bleachers and watched the field hockey players, softball players, and track stars beat records and win state championships. They were shining and I was settling. I’m at a point in my life where I realize that I can shine too.

I know being an athlete is more than just winning a trophy. It’s also about having confidence, determination, stamina, and not giving up. I’ve given up on myself too many times before, and it’s going to stop. I need to keep pushing forward and fight for that title instead of letting it slip through my fingers.

This summer is about giving myself more credit. I can do this. It’s in me and all I have to do is squash those fears and believe. Instead of battling others, I will be challenging myself. And I plan on winning the grand prize.

5 thoughts on “My Summer Fear Factor List

  1. I agree, this post is great! I’m a writer and a relatively new blogger, and I can relate to the perfectionism and tendency to keep editing my posts. I’ve really tried to get over it and, like you, just press “publish” already!

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